


Tick. Tock.

by LilianMarsh



Series: Writing Prompts and Short Stories [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Courage, Hope, Inspiration, Nonfiction, Reflection, Seizures, Self-Reflection, Strength
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-07 21:31:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18240428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilianMarsh/pseuds/LilianMarsh





	Tick. Tock.

     Some people claim that in a high-stress situation time slows down, but for me that could not have been further from the truth. The first time I was alone with my mother when she had a seizure, time did not slow down. It did not stop. Instead, I became aware of every passing second in excruciating detail. Each tick of the clock drilled through my brain, reminding me of the helplessness of the situation. I was powerless to stop what was happening, a mere witness to events that were out of my control.

     Generalized seizures occur when nerves on both sides of the person's brain misfire. They have a wide variety of causes, and due to their many symptoms are difficult to treat. In the case of my mother, her seizures are induced by emotional stress, physical strain, or the relapse of her multiple sclerosis.

     I was thirteen when it happened. We were making plans for the evening, while I got dressed for school. She had been laughing and making fun of a crush I had on a boy, but when I asked her a question, there was no reply. I called her name, but when I did not get an answer, I knew something was wrong. As I moved into her bedroom I saw her collapsed sideways on her bed. Her head and waist were on the mattress, while her legs dangled off the side. If I did not know what was happening, I would have thought she was dead. Her eyes were open but glazed over and unseeing.

     Despite the procedures that I had spent weeks memorizing, I stood there momentarily frozen, terrified by the fact that my mother was unresponsive. Then the seizing began. Her body would tense and relax without any clear pattern. Her movements were reflective of an untrained puppet master controlling a marionette’s strings for the first time. When the muscles in her abdomen tensed it would force air through her larynx producing meaningless grunts and whines.

     The convulsions snapped me from my momentary torpor and I burst into action. I situated the pillows around her to minimize the thrashing and placed one beneath her legs to inhibit the bruising force of the wooden bed frame. Any object she could possibly break was removed. I grabbed the phone and dialed 9-1-1. There was nothing more I could really do and I could not bear to watch, so instead I moved to the living room to drag furniture away from the doors, making it easier for the EMTs to reach her with the gurney. Then I grabbed the medication list she had made for us on the fridge and hurried back to her side.

            _Tick Tock. Tick Tock._

            I became painfully aware of the clock once more.

            _Tick Tock. Tick Tock._

            The second hand banged out its rhythmic chorus, a constant reminder of my inability to do anything more. So, I relented and returned to her side to monitor her breathing until the ambulance arrived.

     When the EMTs arrived, I gave them the medication list and stayed out of their way. One of the female EMTs spoke to me as if I were a young child in need of comfort. While I may have been young, I was not like children my age. I had seen my mother convulse, seen her collapse, and been to numerous doctor visits where they poked and prodded her until her arms were bruised beyond recognition. I told them everything that they needed to know, and I did not shed a single tear, because I knew that tears would do nothing to help my mother.

     The EMT told me that I was the calmest person she had ever seen on a scene, and I took it to heart. Doctors may not have been able to stop her seizures and I may have only been able to provide her with comfort, but through those experiences I gained the ability to face uncertainty. I may have been powerless to save my mother, but there were people I could help. I took and excelled in lifeguarding, CPR, and first aid classes. I rescued drowning victims, bandaged wounds, and made injured children smile. I stared into situations that contained a storm of violent emotions and calmed the howling winds with serenity. Time does not slow down for me when the pressure is on. I can still feel the ticking of each passing second, but now instead of feeling hopeless, I know I am prepared and willing to do everything in my power to aid those in danger, so that the clock keeps ticking for them.


End file.
